you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
