I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Someone shit on the floor
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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