You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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