good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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