Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
