I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The Olympian is in my bed
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
