I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
