My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
