We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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