I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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