I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
