I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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