Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize