naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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