You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
