I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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