Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
