then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
