so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
it was like eating out sand paper
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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