I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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