she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
