Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
