I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
