I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
you inspire me to be a worse person
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
