I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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