Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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