totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
