Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
