a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
