I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
