Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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