I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
