I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I have aggressive nipples.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
