so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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