they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
