just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
