omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
