I CAN MOONWALK!
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
