i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
