but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize