I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
