I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
