Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
