her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
