The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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