New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
