Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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