bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
