We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
