I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
