sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
