I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
