I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
