Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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