bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
