Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
