It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize