Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Vodka?
Forever.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
