You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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