I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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