Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
