Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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