Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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