Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
