a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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