What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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