i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
