She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
