I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
